To parents of adult children, how do you dish out advice to your grown child?

I've got a ';grown'; stepdaughter who gets really defensive sometimes when I give her advice. I try to be as diplomatic as possible, but sometimes I think I must touch on sticky subjects, either that or I'm not as diplomatic as I thought.





So do you give advice to your grown children, or do you just stay out and let them figure things out for themselves?





I can give details about this particular instance if you like.To parents of adult children, how do you dish out advice to your grown child?
If she asks for advice, she probably won't be too defensive. Also remember that people tend to seek out validation and not advice even though it comes across like a question. It took me a while to realize friends of mine were doing that until I realized how defensive they got or that they went ahead with whatever it was, against what advice I had given them.





If she's not asking for advice, try not to dish it. Let her figure it out on her own. Sometimes they have to fall flat on their face to learn a lesson.To parents of adult children, how do you dish out advice to your grown child?
I find that the hardest part of giving advice to grown kids is that they rarely ask for it. When they actually ask for your thoughts on something then they listen otherwise they usually feel that you're telling them what to do and then they get defencive.





I find when my son tells me something which sets off alarms, I just say something like....oh wow, keep you head up on that one Bud, because this or this or this might happen. Maybe you should try this or this instead......Sometimes he takes the advice and sometimes he doesn't but at least he was warned.





That's all you can do really. Point out consequences and offer other options then leave them to make the choice and try to be supportive of whatever choice they make.





If they say something like...why do you always try and tell me what to do? You just reply by saying...I'm not telling you what to do dear, you're a grown up and that's you decision to make. I'm just trying to help you see all your options because I've been through it before and this is your first time.





Good luck.
Well if you're approaching in her in any manner in which you've phrased this question, then she probably thinks you're speaking down to her, belittling her, and treating her like a child.





Treat her like an adult, let her know you are only trying to help and you only have her best interests in mind, and most importantly, listen.
All my advice to my adult children starts out with the same sentence....';Well you can take my advice or not, But.....'; Then when I am done I usually say, ';Now, you can do what you want.'; Most of the time, my kids will listen and they might even take my advice. My son jokingly says things like, ';Just nod and smile.'; Grown kids will do what THEY think is best and I just try not to do the old...';I told you so'; routine when things don't work out....even though I would LOVE to. If I have raised them correctly I can only hope they will think things through and make the right decisions. If they don't....Oh well, better luck next time.
Reddevil you know we all as parents have differculties with our children ,I agree with you that you can be diplomatic with them but If she can fixed the problem herself , then tell her to go ahead and fix it , but before she does that just say to her ';look i am here to help you not to hinder you would you care to communicate with me as to what the problem is'; If she says no i can fix the problem ,then do not close the door on her , Just say I am here for you , and if you want to chat about it , adult to adult , then lets do it that way . What you do not do is close the door on your own children, at least with what i have just told you ,You are leaveing it to her to come and chat to you , If you close the door on her Reddevil then she will think that you do not care for her.
i cant say much....m just 20....


but i feel my parents dont understand....


i dont mind the getting good advice...but the advice often seems soo alien...i mean almost impossible in this world...my sister(age 34) does it much better...so i think its just the generation gap.


admitting mistakes is hard for anybody...so she can get defensive.


but i think u should talk to her dad and tell him to talk to her if ure not close to her...as the situation is a lil complicated


parents need to get more of an insight of the trends and norms these days among ppl our age.


i dunno if u will find this any helpful...but i was just presenting ur daughters thoughts (probably close)
I thumbs Harley up 10 more times if I could because she hit the nail on the head.


If your stepdaughter is grown, then the only time advice should be dished out is if she asks for it.

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